Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
