i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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