why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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