Welp...herpes.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
