that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
