Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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