One girl and one boy is just not enough.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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