I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
