Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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