I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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