i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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