nut hugger
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
