if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
