Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
