i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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