im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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