So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
