I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We got so high we made milksteak
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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