Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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