im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
