so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
