Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
this just has baby written all over it
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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