you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
