i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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