I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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