Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
