I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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