unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
