I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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