Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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