Yo dont text me then not text me
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
