Betty ford says i'm here all night
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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