the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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