my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
