Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
there is glitter all over my balls
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