I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
