I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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