your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
