Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Randomize
