i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Green mimosas i think yes
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
