I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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