No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
