do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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