I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
