he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
