I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
