i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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