i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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