They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
