I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
