Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
