dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My ass is underappreciated
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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