Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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