She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
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