she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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