Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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