I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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