and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
