I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize