I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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