it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
