id be glad to
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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