She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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