it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize