It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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